A Guide to Becoming More Confident

We’ve all heard the phrase confidence is key… but why is that the case?

According to the Oxford Dictionary, confidence refers to the feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities. 

In essence, confidence means listening to reality. Whether you have a hidden passion, a talent, a skill, an idea, etc. these are all considered abilities or qualities. If you lack confidence, that doesn’t mean you don’t possess that quality, it simply means you have a hard time believing that you do. 

This creates unwanted, yet subconsciously self-imposed barriers to growth. 

Acknowledging that confidence is needed is the easy part, now how the heck do we actually gain confidence? 

1. Affirm the reality

By my logic, why not shape our own reality AKA what we believe to be true? Self-doubt is so easy. I often catch myself doubting my abilities to try new things. To help with this, I look at the facts by specifically acknowledging the positive ones, and ask myself, would a reasonable person doubt me after seeing these facts? The answer is always no. 

When I’m feeling less confident than ideal, I remind myself: “I am good at XYZ. I am strong. I know this because of XYZ.” 

These affirmations help with grounding, taking away clouded judgment, looking at the facts, and reminding yourself to believe what is true. When you believe what is true about yourself… you gain confidence! Read more about using affirmations.

It’s a cycle. Possess a quality —> Doubt you have that quality —> Affirm the facts —> Believe the facts —> Gain self-confidence.

2. Face your insecurities

Whenever I’m not feeling confident, it is almost always related to a limiting belief that stems from a fear of failure.

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’ll suck at this if I try.”

“People will think I look dumb.”

With these thoughts constantly in our heads, you can't blame us for resisting change and shying away from trying new things!

A motto I live by that helps me get through this: It is not that deep. 

When did failure become a bad thing? How can you expect to improve without failing? The power of failure is actually a huge positive.  

Yes, failing is uncomfortable. But, I challenge you to embrace the uncomfortable, put yourself out there, try those new things you’ve been doubting yourself about, and watch your confidence grow in return. 

3. Respect your boundaries

“No.” Toddlers love this word and use it with ease but for some reason, we have a hard time with this as adults — at least I know I do.

In an effort to please others, it can be easy to say yes all the time — to work, projects, plans, etc. — when you know deep down that saying yes isn’t what you really want.

By learning to say no, you’re choosing yourself and respecting your boundaries. You’re essentially saying “I value my time and energy. This doesn’t align with my goals, capacity, my needs, or my wants, and therefore I choose to stay true to myself and say no.”

Saying no is easier said than done, so check out these tips for saying no politely.

Staying true to yourself is one of the most empowering feelings. Can you guess what it helps create? Confidence!

4. Focus on what you can control

We all have things that make us feel better about ourselves. Although don’t be fooled, I’m not talking about drugs, alcohol, or unhealthy habits. I’m talking about harmless things that increase our confidence.

There’s a lot we can’t control that can negatively affect our confidence, which means we should put extra effort into the things we can control that we know will positively impact our confidence.

When we do this, we become proud of ourselves, more comfortable in our own skin and with our own abilities, and we start believing in ourselves.

Here are some ideas of things we can control. See if any stand out to you and try focusing on them!

• Physical activity. Getting in the gym works wonders for how we feel.
• Routines. When we put effort into our routines, whether it's skin, hair, wake-up, or make-up routines, when we look good, we feel good.
• Knowledge. Learn about that thing you’ve always been interested in. The more we know, the more confident we are in our abilities.
• Digital brand. Make your profiles, resumes, etc. something you’re proud of. When we’re proud of our personal brand, we’re proud of ourselves.

Want help with increasing your confidence through personal branding? Fill out my contact form to book a consultation for a LinkedIn revamp or a resume improvement session!